The End :(

Five lines for each one
Then seven in the middle
And you end with five

Senior Year Has Come
I tried to be rebellious
And I failed at that

Lunch time spent outside
Shenanigans and ping-pong
I'll miss that a lot

Grad nite is here SOON

And then prom comes after that 

Good times approaching

Senior Year's Been Hard

Work Until the last Second

But now we are FREE

Moving on in life
B-R-O-W-N
Plane tickets are booked.

My Garden!

I absolutely love my garden. Every time this year, I consider myself to be subsistent. I could live off of the vegetables growing in my garden and I really wouldn't mind doing just that. I have an abundance of lettuce as you can see from the picture. I am also growing 4 types of tomatoes, 2 types of zucchini, 5 types of peppers, celery, and cucumbers. YUM! Every single item is grown with such love and care and I personally love how fresh my vegetables taste. I noticed that store bought vegetables taste chemically grown in comparison to my vegetables. I really think that more people should take the time and grown their own garden.  It's so peaceful to come out twice a day ( once in the morning and again in the evening) to water the garden. Seeing the vegetables grown from a seed or sprout into an abundance of delicious vegetation is so amazing!

Making Some Interesting Realizations...

Every time I turn around, I am being reminded that this is my last year and final year living at home as a kid. I know that I can come back during breaks from college, but it won't truly ever be the same as it is right now. I basically have no real burdens to worry about, my laundry gets done, food is always available and ready for me to eat, and a nice comfy couch is ready for my company. I just realized that how much I love my mom's cooking and that I am going to miss it so much when I go to college next year. I realized that I like my privacy in my room and that I might miss that alone time next year when I have a roommate. I realized just how nice it is to have a backyard that I can go in and I especially just realized how much I love my garden. I realized that sure all of these things are mine and will be available to me. But they will be available to me at a distance. I just realized how much I love coming home and escaping the drama of the day.
As I make these interesting realizations and as summer and college approach me faster and faster, I wonder what emotions I am really feeling. I wonder if I will be okay being so far away from the best homemade tacos ever!? I wonder if I will be able to cope with my now mysterious roommate. I wonder if Brown's Main Green can become my new backyard.
I guess I will just have to wait and see...

My Brown University Bucket List(up to my first year in college):

1. Make it on to the Brown University Campus
2. Decorate my room with gadets from Bed Bath & Beyond, Target, and Walmart
3. Buy my new winter wardrobe, which include furry boots, rainboots,warm coats, rain coat
4. Attend TWTP, the orientation for minroties located on Brown's campus
5. Attend the regular orientation
6. Complete the petition of 150 signatures to approve my membership into student council
7.Join The Undergraduate Council for Students
8. Find out where I can enroll in the "Making Decisions" class
9. Become involved with various clubs, such as the Women for Business Club
10. Join a dancing group such as Break Dancing, Hip-Hop
11. Find a yoga class and join it
12.Make a lot of friends! and invite them back to California with me for winter break
13. Email Dr. Forman before Christmas
14. Call my mom and update her.
15. Get through first semster of college.
16. Use all that I learned from first semester and apply it to making second semester ever better!

The Year is Coming to An End.. Already?

As we approach our last couple of weeks of high school, it is becoming apparent to me that I am experiencing the last of many things. I had my last AP Calculus and AP Government assessment ever...until the AP exam of course. I am also working on my last french project and leadership speech not only last for the year, but last ever at Buckley. It truly is so incredible how fast time flies. I am experiencing an array of emotions; such as being happy to have experienced this amazing and impactful 4-year journey as well as being confused and sad that I have to close the chapter of this part of my life.
I know that this time right now marks our transition period into beginning a great journey ahead.  College is finally here and that was made very clear to me today with the college t-shirt/sweatshirt wearing aspect. Ever since I entered Buckley in Fall of 2007, I have looked forward to this day and have looked up to those who were taking "the sophisticated photos by the pavilion." I would also creep on their luncheons as well, hoping that one day I would soon make it to this exciting moment. Low and behold, I made it!
Indeed, this is such an exciting time in which we will also share tears brought on by the fact that we will be parting ways very soon. All I can hope for is that we continue to be there for one another and that we continue to strive to reach our maximum potential. This is one thing I think our grade, in particular, has strived to do beyond belief. Although the year is quickly coming to an end, I am using this time now to reflect on my memories on and off The Buckley School campus. I will cherish these memories and plan to take all of the skills and knowledge I acquired in high school with me to college.

Consciously Conforming...?

I went to CVS last night in search of the infamous egg. Yes, the chap-stick in the shape of an egg that seems to be a popular possession for many Buckley students. Since I love chap-stick and a friend sold me on how good it was, I couldn't help but want it. As I was searching the aisles, back and forth and back and forth, it dawned on me that I could be conforming to the standard at Buckley which is to have this egg-shaped chap-stick. For a moment, I thought back to English class and our conformity essay, and mine in particular. I remembered that conforming only becomes dangerous if one does so unconsciously. So, I readdressed the situation and concluded that I wanted this chap-stick for it's benefits of soothing my lips, if ever they were to get chap. Since, I was aware of the benefits and aware of my desire for it, I decided that the final purchase of the egg was perfectly okay. Low and behold... they were OUT! Although, I walked away without the chap-stick, I was happy to have gone through a thorough reflection of my purchase if it were to happen.
Nevertheless, I am happy that we were forced to brainstorm conformity and to really take our analysis to different heights. I will now and forever look out to see if I am conforming, and if I am doing so consciously or unconsciously.

My personal Experience

I traveled to France in the summer of 2009. During my 4-week study abroad trip i stayed with a host family who did not speak any english. Once at dinner, my family expressed their absolute love and fascination with Hollywood. They were so excited to hear that I lived very close to Hollywood. As I was translating back and forth about my experiences on Hollywood and Highland, the big question came up: "So how is it? Do you like it?" I was so oblivious to the fact that they had put it on such a high pedestal that my response was very heartless. I, while answering very honestly, retorted back with my limited french vocabulary, "c'est tres sale et bruyant et un peu ennuyeux". This was the first thing that came to my mind and frankly would of been my response to anyone who asked me what I thought about Hollywood. My response translates into" It is very dirty and noisy and a little boring" Of course, my family was very confused and wasn't sure what to think. They had built up the idea of Hollywood, and there I was to shut them down.

However, unlike Meursault, I have a filter and morals and emotions. After my insensitive response, I immediately changed the mood and told them that that was only true of the outskirts of the town and that Hollywood was actually a very fun and exciting place to be.

In relation to The Stranger, I would have to say that at times I am irritated with Meursault's responses to many different situations in the fact that he fails to show any real feelings or morals. It might be a little more excusable if Meursault, like me, had slipped an insensitive comment in here and there and then reconciled it right after. However, he demonstrates no real care or concern for anything and he stands by all of his beliefs and responses.

Creative Blog #2

College: The one thing every child, student, and friend is told they are going to attend one day. Personally, I have known that I was going to attend college since before I can rememer. Every grade that I receieved and all the effort I put in to succeeding and doing well in school, was aimed at maintaing high grades in order to get into a top-notch school. Whether this was in elementary school working hard to get into a good middle school, or in middle school striving to get into a top-notch colelge prepatory high school, I have been working hard in order to reach that point of impressing colleges with all that I have done. Now, this isn't to say that I haven't enjoyed or benefited from the education along the way, but maintaing a good transcript has also been a primary goal. Now, I also know that I am not alone in what I am saying and that is because there are many more students out there like me.

The main problem for me arises in the fact that I have now reached that primary goal through all the hard work and late nights to get into college, but where do I go from here? I haven't heard much about what to do once I have gotten into college. Sure, you're supposed to still work hard, and earn a degree, but I wonder if I am still going to be aiming to reach the next rung on the ladder or if I am going to be actually enjoying myself in college and beyond. I have conformed so much to the societal standard of working hard and receiving a good education that I am not sure where anything else fits in. I wonder if my life will be lived continously how it is now, which is looking toward the future and making sure that everything I do now will be a stepping stone to succeed. I worry if students and children like me are brought up on too much conforming to society instead of branching out and living for oursleves, which consists of living more in the moment.


Disclaimer: Not everyone might live like what I described....

Creative Blog #1

While tabloids, magazines, and t.v. shows fictionally portray the life of an average teenager, real teenage girls today are pressured into conforming to take on their same appearance. Girls feel as though they must look just like the girls on the magazines who weigh 100  pounds or less. They watch t.v. shows that relate to their life, yet they find that their physical appearance does not match up. Studies have shown that girls have taken drastic measures to be skinny and to enhance their physical appearance, such as getting surgical procedures. The actions of typical girls now are the epitome of dangers of conformity.

Intro Paragraph..

Outside pressures that cause individuals to conform present both positive benefits and dangerous consequences. Franz Kafka's "Metamorphosis" explores the dangers of conforming that main character, Gregor Samsa experiences when he turns into a large bug. Gregor's physical and mental presence represent two very different spectrum of emotions; while Gregor's body replicates a chaotic and sporadic insect, his mind remains strictly intact and conforms to the environment that he is in. This mental mindset is evident in the fact that when Gregor wakes up as a bug, he is only concerned with catching the next train and getting to work on time so that his boss doesn't scold him.The danger arises in the disconnect between Gregor's mind and body; the fact that his body is incapable of performing any of the tasks demanded by his mind, makes him a dysfunctional being. In addition to an example of the dangers to conformity, there are some benefits to conforming. Most notably, in the field of education, outside pressures to conform, such as classmates, teachers, and parents help promote receiving a good education in order to succeed in the future. Furthermore, while pressures to conform cause individuals to not think for themselves, but only for the collective, a beneficial aspect of conforming becomes apparent, as seen when it comes to education.

Leaderless Discussion, My thoughts...

When discussing conformity and if education should be used to facilitate both conformity and the pratice of freedom, I came to the conclusion that education is the backbone to one's success. And if that means that one must conform to learning the facts that are taught in school, then that is okay because these are the basic skills that one needs to succeed in the futre. By learning social skills and how to react to different situations, education helps an individual analyze both sides of a situation and allows them to take up their own opinion. However, this being said there are some cases in which conforming can be dangerous. If one sticks to closely to a social ideal or standard, rather than seeing the situation in their own eyes, then there is no diversity in thoughts or opinions

I plan to focus my essay on Kafka and conformity. I would like to note how in some situations, such as Gregor's, conforming can prove to be a dangerous. I would also like to focus on how Gregor skillfully represents both sides of chaos and conformity. Maybe I can take an in depth look at both sides of the spectrum and the effects of each. Lastly, I would like to include some of my findings from the interview I plan to have with my grandfather.

Blog

#1. The images are definitely humourous. I had a specific image in my head of what Gregor looked like, but seeing the graphic novel definitely changed my view. Although in saying this I like having the graphic novel by my side and visually seeing how everything plays out. I had always imagined Gregor still looking a bit human but the graphic novel helps confirm that he truly is a bug and really gives justice to his "metamorphosized" state. I think that Kuper chose to put it in black and white so as to not give too much detail about Gregor; this way the reader can still intrepret Gregor's color and surroundings for themselves. I appreciate his decision.

#4 I think that Kafka does. In reading the novel the desciptions of Gregor are more in depth but seem to be less harsh than the picture descriptions in the graphic novels.

Group Dynamics

During our fishbowl activity in class yesterday, I was able to view the dynamic from both an insider and outsider perspective. While on the inside of the leaderless discussion, I observed the flow of ideas. Each member of our group threw out several ideas that we all let sink in. Once someone would state their opinion on a question, such as "does civilization make people better or worse," others had time to form their own opinions and to state where they agreed and disagreed. Overall, I felt like we had an organized and healthy discussion that allowed people to express their ideas, others to feed on those ideas, and as a result new views were generated. 

From an outsider perspective, I was able to observe the fluidity of the discussion and how the group members cooperated together as a whole. If ever one person maybe went off topic, another member would assure them that it's okay and that they were "building." this type of encouragement among members made it a positive environment where ideas could flow freely. I felt like people were comfortable owning their ideas and expressing their opinions. A lot of great questions were brought up as well that helped some people think and search deeper in their analysis and ideas. Overall, looking from both the inside and the outside of our fishbowl activity, a great flow of ideas were generated and the eagerness of each  member to exchange ideas with one another lead to a positive environment and effective group dynamics.  

Into paragraph

Marlow's journey into Joseph Conrad's "Heart of Darkness" explores how far the human mind and body are willing to go when no restrictions are placed on condemnable actions. The dream-like environment of The Heart of Darkness is described as being absent of rules, restrictions, and limitations that would normally halt an individual from pursuing his deepest, darkest desires. Here, in the heart of darkness an individual's id is allowed to triumph and any desires or temptations that might have been subdued in a civilized society are able to manifest. This carefree and dominant lifestyle is best demonstrated by the jungle's master ivory collector, Kurtz. Marlow develops an obsessive fascination with Kurtz and continues his journey into the heart of darkness in order to investigate the powerful figure that Kurtz represents. Marlow represents the perspective of an outsider looking in; he brings his societal values and morals with him into the Congo, and therefore judges each of the situations he is in with much discretion. His outsider perspective sparks his fascination in this dream like world. His assessments of Kurtz's actions places Kurtz as both a God-like figure who controls all, and as an evil-minded being who lacks human emotion. Although the reader, through Marlow's point of view, witnesses the powerful and domineering personality of Kurtz, analysis of psychoanalytic criticism and a deeper glance into the heart of darkness reveals that at some point even in a dream like world there is a breaking point and that Kurtz's power to control actually results from him succumbing to the temptations from the jungle; in actuality the Heart of Darkness controls Kurtz, not the other way around.

On the surface vs. Taking a closer look

When analyzing Kurtz on a surface level, the words strong, controlling, and dominant first come to mind. The reorder repeatedly hears about the voice of Kurtz and how he is so highly revered by the natives and agents that he controls. After hearing this description of Kurtz, one would hypothesize him being a big, overpowering figure whose appearance should match his frightening reputation. However, a deeper glance into Kurtz's personality shows physically how weak he really is and that even though he is seen as a powerful figure in the Congo, maybe the fact that he succumbed to his deepest desires shows his weakness. Kurtz is the one who succumbed to the temptations of the jungle and the ability to let his id and inner desires to come out fully.

Essay ideas

After reading over Karl's literary critique of The Heart of Darkness, I found his connection his Conrad and Freud to be very interesting. The point brought up by Karl that sticks with me the most, and that I want to focus my essay on, is the fact that both Freud and Conrad set up dream light, nightmarish worlds that is almost too radical and unrealistic because of their odd nature. He describes the environment in The Heart of Darkness as being absent of rules and limitations that might halt the average individual from pursuing his deepest, darkest desires. I would like to focus my essay on Marlow's journey through the Congo and how what he sees affects him emotionally and how what he does see triggers his interest in the lives of the natives and the managers. I would like to ficus on the shade and how it takes on unexpected symbolism. Further, it seems to me that everything in the Congo is represented in a way that one wouldn't expect: such as the cannibals and their restraint against eating Marlow and the other managers on the boat. Maybe it comes down to, what Jeff and I were speculating about yesterday, that maybe the images and events brought up throughout the course of the story are unthinkable and somewhat odd, because it there is no rules and no restraints, instead the human id is allowed to break through. Therefore, all of the desires that are usually pushed down by police and laws, are able to manifest.

Psychological significance of journey

Marlow’s description of his journey into the heart of darkness sets up such a mysterious, odd, and eerie atmosphere. The reader is taken so far into a world that is nothing like the average civilized world, such as in England. Instead, Marlow is forced to observe the death of the helpless natives, while simultaneously communicating with the dainty agents and managers who perform various duties there. Marlow is continuously pondering the events that are happening and their significance. He is forced into evaluating his own moral standards as well those of others he encounters. He must pinpoint the differences in character as well as moral beliefs in order to come to some kind of an explanation to the unimaginable events occurring. He starts to wonder how people like the Chief Accountant, who resembles the features of a well-off businessman, could ever get work done in the horrific environment that is just right outside of his doors. The Accountant’s tolerance makes Marlow wonder whether or not he is even aware of the detrimental torture being done to the natives in an attempt to “civilize” them. Marlow starts to recognize that the “colonizing” being done to the “criminals” is actually just an infliction of pain and abuse onto the natives. Marlow is in a state of confusion, because not only is he amazed at the calmness of the agents but he also has to monitor himself to see if he will go as far as to believe in the so-called “beneficial” work being done on the continent. As Marlow travels further and further into the continent he is traveling further and further into his own mind and the mind of the continent’s inhabitants. Marlow brings his morals from the outside, within and he assesses each situation and event that comes his way. For example the restraint of the natives on Marlow’s boat to not eat the white agents comes into the picture; Marlow starts to wonder more about their mind and how it works. He is curious to find out why they haven’t fulfilled their hunger, when the opportunity to do so is right in front of them. 

430 blog #6

The image of justice the blindfolded woman holding a lighted torch represents justice. However the customary connataion associated with liberty represnting hope, is truncated by the odd and unusual appearance of justice. She is descibed as being blindfolded, which doesn't make sense because she should be able to see where she is going with her lighted torch. The painting's irregularity goes further, by portraying the figure behind a black setting, which suggests that the light she was carrying was "sinister" and not a promising symbol of truth or hope. This painting just adds on to the somewhat odd atmosphere repeatedly described by Marlow.

429 #2

Marlow begins his tale by referencing London in "very old times" while making a connection to Africa and how their societies and ways of living are similar. London's society was viewed as uncivilized and habited by savages and disease. Through Marlow's speech it can be inferred that he is not in agreement with the English colonizing Africa and that he compares Africa's society as being similar to London's savagery.